May 14, 2015 / Book Reviews

Book Review: How We Love | Milan & Kay Yerkovich

This is the book I’m probably most proud of finishing. While it’s not excessively long and it’s certainly not boring, this book takes a lot of determination to get through.

The depth of content in How We Love led me to spend at least nine months reading, pondering, journaling, having conversations, and then re-reading sections. If this book is approached with patience it can be a life changer.

One thing I loved about it is the categories they place people into based on their love style.

  • The Avoider is the one who at all costs will not get into an argument. Preserving the peace is better than facing a difficult conversation.
  • The Pleaser is focused on making sure everyone around them is happy. They don’t want to rock the boat and are afraid to express their desires.
  • The Vacillator willingly dives head first into relationship with high expectations but as things get tough they push people away before they can be hurt.
  • The Chaotic (Controller & Victim) love style sends people in one of two directions. They either try to control those they love by forcing them into a pattern of living or they become the victim and see their loved ones as being against them.

There’s way too much in this book to pull out a few quotes that speak to the overall message of the book. The basics though are that we are each branded with a love style that is in some way flawed. We will naturally react to difficulties in relationships in one of the ways listed above.

For me, I was shocked at how detailed The Vacillator love style described so many of my past relationships. I’m very quick to run into a new relationship, expecting and believing the best in the other person, but at early onset of trouble I try and shield myself from the hurt I perceive is coming.

While this book was written directly for couples to learn their love styles together I feel I gained a lot of successful insight and tools to help me in family, friends, and future dating relationships. I highly recommend this book to anyone dedicated to improving the way they give and receive love from those around them.