Aug 19, 2016 / Life

Make My Messes Matter

One of my favorite songs to listen to recently has been Jupiter by Sleeping At Last. The line from the chorus repeatedly runs through my head.

“Make my messes matter.
Make this chaos count.
Let every little fracture in me
Shatter out loud.”

There seems to be so many people around me who “have it all together”. Social media tells me every day that my friends are all living their dream lives.

To everyone else my life is great! I run my own business, play golf regularly, stay busy connecting with people, I’m plugged into a great church, and yet there exists a feeling of emptiness.

Beneath the surface I feel like my life is a mess. I struggle to find emotional stability day to day or even minute to minute. Fear exists like a dripping faucet always running in the back of my mind. Dark shadows of insecurity loom large.

The temptation to isolate is strong. I worry that I’m the only one who feels this way and it’s intimidating to share what’s going on with others.

Recently God’s opened my eyes to see struggle of some friends who are facing very difficult circumstances in their lives. Instead of isolating from the people around them they’ve chosen the more difficult path of publicly inviting people into their mess. It’s scary and intimidating for them I’m sure! But because they’ve chosen to live this way God has brought meaning to their struggle and encouragement to me – and I’m sure many others!

This is my prayer daily to God when I’m reminded of my struggles. I’m really ok with whatever ups and downs God puts in my life. I don’t want a perfect life!

I pray that God would make my messes matter. I choose to let the fractures in me shatter loud for others to see God is working in the chaos. Whatever I face I choose to believe that it can count for eternity not because of anything I do but because of who He is!

“You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy.”

-Psalm 30:11